I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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