just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
