I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
