i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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