You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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