First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
