I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
