physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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