If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
