i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You can't just leave with hair like that
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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