It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
