so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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