____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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