U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
