and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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