12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
