You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
