UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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