and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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