Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
