I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
