Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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