New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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