Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
