We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
