did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
BRING THE BAGELS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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