Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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