sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
