my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
