Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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