this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
