We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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