i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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