If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize