I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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