I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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