I heard we made out
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
