dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
