dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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