My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
