why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
