It's Friday. Sex?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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