Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
