i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
