oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
