apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
