just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
