it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
