1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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