I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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